I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
