Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The air was thick with penises
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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