alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
