I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
