An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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