we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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