I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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