You're completely useless in the revolution.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
