I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The air was thick with penises
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
