i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
