I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just pee around me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
