the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
