you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
