What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
