yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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