dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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