so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
