dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i think im in europe. pls send help
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