if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
