how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize