Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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