Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
