you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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