I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
