i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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