I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize