he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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