I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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