I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
