Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
