Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I looked at my own cervix.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.