we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.