I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok