I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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