So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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