If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
