do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
