Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you traded sex for a burrito?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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