can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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