Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
