You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
