Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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