I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
