What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
