I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
