The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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