I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
