Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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