Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
