from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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