Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
