dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
