toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
