I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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