Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
