you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize