I can text with my tongue
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
