mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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