so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
