I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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