He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
