I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
