Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize