I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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